I closed my eyes.
She asked us to go somewhere with her.
"He was terrified," Andrea continued. "He didn't want you to raise three children alone after his death. He thought he could fix everything before it was too late. I told him he was wrong... that he couldn't just take them away from you."
“But he did,” I whispered, and Andrea closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face.
The truth destroyed me. Ryan was so sick and he'd never told me. He looked me in the face every day as he made this plan. He let me spend seven years mourning three people, while two of them lived elsewhere.
I stared at Andrea. "He left me no choice. He decided my whole life for me."
He nodded. "I know."
It was no use.
"He was terrified."
When I heard her crying beside me, I put my arm around Lily, who snuggled into my arms, whispering that she missed her father. I held her tightly for a long moment before Andrea asked us in a soft voice to get back to the car.
***
Back at Andrea's house, I asked to see Jack and Caleb. He told me they were studying abroad. I collapsed heavily on the couch.
"They'd been asking about you for months," Andrea admitted. "They were only nine years old, Anna. At first, they wanted to go back to you. Ryan handled the situation like a loving father handles his children's grief. He was there for them, he talked to them, he cared for them properly, and gradually, he convinced them to accept that I was their mother too and that they wouldn't abandon me when he was gone."
I looked away because I couldn't stand his presence.
Andrea left and returned with an envelope: Ryan's last letter and a ten-year bond in my name. She said that if I hadn't found the video sooner, she'd get back to me three years later.
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